to ponder

I have the secret to life...


It's death.  Losing the people we love the most forces us to see what we otherwise would be blind to.  It forces us to feel every emotion possible.  You can't escape the emotions that you feel when someone you love more than life dies.  Death gives you something that can never be taken back. 

Examples may be what you need to further understand my crazy thinking and I have many...

some may and some may not know about my mom.  I lost my mom 4 years ago to cancer.  "lost" that's a funny way of putting it..she isn't a bracelet or my cell phone that I misplaced and will hopefully find it again one day if I retrace my steps and think about the last place I put it---my mom died 4 years ago.  We were close, to say the least, that doesn't even touch on how I feel about her.  She died in our home after a battle with brain cancer and I (along with my family) were lucky enough to care for her while she was fading away. 

I remember telling a friend of mine a little while after she died that I feel like I have this secret that nobody can understand or take away from me.  (Finally!  something that couldn't be taken away)  I love so much more fully after death, I feel more things than I ever thought were possible....I am more "aware" I guess you could say of this "life" of mine.  I hold people more closely to me and I let the small things roll more easily off of my back.  I LIVE because of death.  When I argue with someone I say I'm sorry much more quickly...when I'm in a bad mood I laugh sooner...I see the small things in life (sunny days, laughing kids, old couples holding hands, someone opening the door for me, a nice talk with a good friend) as the BIG things.  I see the "important things" a test at school, a speeding ticket, a late bill ..as the not so significant things.  Now to you this may sound like I don't take life "seriously", but to that I would say "don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway" (one of my favorite little quotes). 

This is my secret to life...maybe I'm on to something

p.s. if you want to get the real feel for this post listen to Damien Rice's song "Hallelujah" while you're reading.

seriously

I started my classes today-and with that new assignments.  My creative writing professor informed our class that we had to start a blog...at first I was nervous about it kind of like a 'who cares what I have to say' feeling, but then again you don't have to read this if you don't want to!  Ahh the freedom!  I was reading the newspaper the other day & I always tell myself I'm not going to read the Quickly section...unfortunately I ALWAYS do.  You'll never believe what someone was complaining about.....guess....go ahead....


Bumperstickers-yes folks you heard me correctly BUMPERSTICKERS not any old bumpersticker either..no no.. the "my child is an honor student at such & such school".  Really, I ask this, REALLY...no, more like are you serious?  Way to poop in someone's cheerios man!  They're proud of their kid & I bet their kid is proud they're an honor student.  It just always amazes me what people take the time to complain about.  So much more to life then proud parents....but that's for another day- and I'll ease you into my tangled mind!